You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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