So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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