Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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