sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize