I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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