i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
