you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Drunk is not a location!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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