anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize