Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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