ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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