He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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