i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
