You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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