But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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