kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish you could order shots online.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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