We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Vodka?
Forever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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