Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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