I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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