Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
