totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
