3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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