I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
