You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
