false alarm. still invincible.
i will never coherently bang her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
