Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize