I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How external is "for external use only"?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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