the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
