So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
