So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
