I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
