Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
