i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
