i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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