He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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