watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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