omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize