Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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