If i come over, it means nothing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
