For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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