Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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