But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
