she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
