I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
