I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
