I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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