First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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