I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
