you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
