1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
