My nipple is on Facebook.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
