Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
