Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
