Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
