What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
