I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize