but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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