I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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