I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize