You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
