I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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