I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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