let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
