You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So here I am, sexting at work.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
