kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
