before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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