you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
