i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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