I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
