you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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