Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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