Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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