Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
