youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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