youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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